The Biblical Principles about Courting / Courtship.. (Hos. 2:19-23)
Courting is focusing on
first building a friendship with the person in whom you are interested. It
progresses more slowly, develops deeper and stronger roots, and eliminates
potentially dangerous, toxic, or wrong people for you. It looks to character
and not just appearance. It seeks a real relationship without pretension or
games. Courtship differs from dating as it seeks closeness through friendship
first, whereas dating seeks a contest and competition. Courting is an open and
honest exploration of each other’s lives, personalities, faults, desires,
goals, and families, that builds and grows toward engagement and then marriage.
Courtship is about seeking a mate for marriage; so, you court in order to see
if that is the right person for you and if there is any reason why you
should not get married. The engagement is not just a time of planning the
wedding; it is a time of seeing if you are truly compatible. If you are not,
then break it off before it is too late! You cannot be afraid to break it off,
even in the last days of the engagement. Otherwise, you will be walking into a
life of misery at worst, or at best, taking much more effort and patience to
make it work. A late break up would be very rare if you follow the precepts of
the Word, because, you would have learned early in the relationship if it were
not going to work. This is the reason for the courting model.
In courting you keep
your pants and skirts on! You draw lines and barriers that both of you agree on
of “no touch zones,” and, I believe personally that it is best not to even kiss
until you are engaged. There is no sexual interaction until after marriage. In
addition, there should be no heavy extended “make outs” before engagement, or,
even better, before the commitment of marriage.
Courting seeks true
intimacy and the building of a solid lifelong relationship, while dating
pretends to be fun, but hides the most important process, that of getting to
know the real person. You can compare dating to going to a cheap buffet of old
watery food unfit for a stray cat. You just “pick and choose,” trying different
things in an attempt to satisfy your hunger, but never seriously looking for
the right dish (pun intended). Courtship is a fine restaurant filled with the best
feast, seeking the best, and savoring the meal. Courtship takes it slow, avoids
the games and attitudes that lead to scores of heartbreaks and hurts.
You have to be
comfortable as a single person in Christ. You cannot expect someone to fill a
hole or longing that is there because the health of your emotions and desires
is not right. The goal of finding a mate is not to fill an empty hole of
loneliness or of what might be missing. If it is, you are seeking someone who
cannot possibly do that, because only Christ can! You cannot expect even the
best person for you to put meaning in your life. By doing that, you are diving
into a shallow pool of codependency and strife. A life full of meaning and
wholeness must be accomplished in Christ alone. You cannot expect your spouse
to do that, because that is the role of the Savior! Therefore, what you need to
be seeking is a life-long covenant relationship. Real relationships are built
on intimacy, and based on trust, communication, mutual beneficiation, and such.
Dating will not build a lasting relationship, because true intimacy will not be
built, but rather subsisted for cheap sex and personal desires. A covenant
relationship seeks no way out nor easily gives up, but sticks it out with the
goal of making it work, as God did with us!
When you become friends
first, then you do not have to burn up a lot of time and energy developing a
friendship with the person you are going out with. This will eliminate the
games and hiding we tend to do. If you skip the friendship, then your
relationship building will be much tougher, and a lot more complicated.
Source:
Youth Step-Up Forum 2011
JCIL - EHM Cebu, Philippines
